Monday, February 25, 2013


Today is three months since I went into labor and delivered Francis. Time does help you heal but so often I wonder how much time will it take me to heal? I thought it would be a lot easier by now and in some ways it is but so many ways it is not. I still question God everyday and tell God I forgive him (like I have a reason to be mad since I am so blessed and he knows what is best for my life). Many days I have this overwhelming sadness that makes you feel so alone. I feel like I'm the only one that remembers my baby. (I know this isn't true but no one can understand what a mother goes through)
One of the instructors at the gym where I teach is due two weeks before my due date, to see her getting bigger makes me so sad for myself. I want to be happy for all my friends having babies and finding out they are expecting but it is so hard right now.  I wish there was an easy button, a way to know how to move forward.
The hospital took newborn pictures and I haven't looked at them since I came home from the hospital. I want to but I'm scared of the emotions that they would bring up and if I can handle it. I know I have to be strong because I have an amazing little boy that needs his mommy everyday. My husband works at least 80 hours a week and without any family around to support me I have to stay strong.
I look forward to the day I can see my precious baby again.

I cling to this poem below. When the days seem so tough sometimes I picture this poem and look forward to the day.

"They say that time in heaven is compared to 'the blink of an eye'
for us on this earth.
Sometimes it helps me to think of my child
running ahead of me through a beautiful field of wildflowers and
butterflies; so happy and completely caught up in what she is
doing that when she looks behind her, I'll already be there."
~Author Unknown


  1. I love you!! You will be in my prayers!! You are stronger than you even realize and the Lord is with you at all times. Sometimes we just have to stop and listen to find him. Sometimes we can find him in the smile of friend, or a phone call from a family member, or a good deed from a co-worker!! I love you!

  2. lisa, i am praying for you. i know the Lord has plans for your broken heart. i wish i could be near you to take you for coffee or a manicure--or just to sit and listen. i love you!